Because anger is such a common and serious problem I plan on spending a couple of posts on it.
Most anger isn’t smart, but smart trumps anger almost every time because smart can deliver better results without all the risk. Being smart instead of angry is not always easy, but I learned two ways of handling anger from Jacob, a high school boy in my neighborhood..
“I try never to get mad,” he told me. “Because I found out that every time I get mad, things get worse. And when I think about the consequences of getting mad, I usually get over it in a hurry.”
Then he added, “But, if I still feel angry, I try to do something physical. Exercise seems to help; that’s why you see me shooting baskets on the driveway so much. It doesn’t take long and I’m over whatever I was angry about in the first place.”
Earl Woods, Tiger’s dad, said, “When you get angry, you give up power. You allow outside influences to harm your greatest asset—yourself.” Elizabeth Kenny of the famous Kenny Foundation put it even more succinctly: “He who angers you conquers you.”
Anger is one of the biggest issues involved in delinquent behavior; many delinquents are chronically angry and every neighborhood, rich or poor, will have angry, delinquent kids who get into trouble because of anger. Just think of the Steward County, Tennessee, freshman who got angry and shot and killed his school bus driver in front of a bus filled with kids. He will never in his lifetime recover from the results of that anger.
Unbelievable as it may seem, some forms of anger may be genetic. A University of Pittsburg study of 550 women found that those who had a 2C gene were more likely to be hostile, aggressive, and angry. Since then, a number of genes have been found that interact with environmental factors to produce anger. Genetic causes of anger are interesting to study, but most anger is learned directly from one’s parents or peers.
So the lesson, once again, use anger like you want your children to use it. “Like father, like son.”