Last week I had the pleasure of another interview on CTN with Pastor Monica on her show “Bridges”. I will let you know when it will be aired. You might seen the video of our previous discussion, CTN has posted it on you-tube and I have snippets of it on my face book page as well as you-tube.
Monica is a delight to work with; and so is Anna Marie on Mix 92.9. I interviewed with her last Monday. I will let you know when it will be aired, too. I will have another interview Monday with Ralph Bristol of WTN, I hope his will be as much fun and as easy. This is a live show, so tune in at 7:37 Monday; call the station if you would like to ask a question. I would love to hear from you.
I mention these interviews as an intro to today’s topic, the benefits of being nice. Is the effort worth it?
Before I go on, allow me to say that when I was in high school Mrs. Shaw, my English teacher, said “nice” was an overworked word. “It is so over-used,” she said, “that it no longer has meaning. Don’t use it.” But dictionaries define “nice” as: “fastidious, refined, delicate, precise, subtle, calling for care, tactful, pleasant, attractive, kind, good, or as a general term of approval.” What could be wrong with using a word like that? Aren’t those characteristics we all would like to possess? And if someone does possess them, shouldn’t they be recognized? Yet for the past half-century, every time I say “nice” or write “nice,” I hear Mrs. Shaw admonishing, “Don’t use it!” So with an apology to Mrs Shaw I will continue.
Lots of people have told me that ‘Nice guys finish last.” At one time I agreed but as I have grown older I realize that’s just not true. My experience is that most really successful people are very nice. Could it be, that being nice helps people succeed or is it that success makes people nice?
After researching and reading about being nice, I wrote a whole chapter on it in Messengers in Denim. And, I learned a lot.
Remember the 1993 movie Groundhog Day? In it Bill Murray was trapped in an unpleasant version of Punxsutaweny, PA until he learned to be nice. Red in my favorite comic “Red and Rover” is always nice as is his dog and best friend Rover. Bart Starr was perhaps the greatest quarterback of all time and he was always portrayed as being nice.
Another luminary noted for being nice was former President Jimmy Carter. In fact, he was affectionately known as “Mr. Nice Guy.” Mike Nizza in an article for The New York Times wrote, “Jimmy Carter’s nice-guy image has always been a reason to like him, loathe him or laugh at him. …” Now, you can argue with his success as a president, but he had to have done something nice, somewhere to get to be president in the first place, and if his presidency was not viewed as a success it was because of his policies not due to his being nice.
My neighbor Don is considered one of the nicest guys on the golf course. Yet I know that he can be firm, too. Don retired as CFO from one of the Fortune 500 companies, so I know he was successful. So, I talked with him.
“Tell me, Don,” I began, “What is the relationship between being nice and being successful in corporate America? Is it true that nice guys finish last?”
“Par, that’s a complicated question,” Don answered. “Fortunately, I had a lot of good people working for me and with me.” (Why is it that successful people always mention first the good people who worked for them? I think it says something about the “good people’s” boss.)
Don continued. “Sure, people who are too nice can get run over, but I don’t think that’s so much about being nice as it is about being weak. Nice, Par, is a difficult word to define. I think,” he added, “it has to do with knowing the company’s goals and staying focused on those goals and being nice to those who are committed to those goals. You can be nice to those who are not committed by helping them understand the goals or letting them find other work. The mean, egotistical boss seldom succeeds.”
There’s even a book about being nice: The Power of Being Nice: How to Conquer the Business World With Kindness, by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval. In it they say, “It is often the small kindnesses—the smiles, gestures, compliments, favors—that make our day and can even change our lives.”
There’s a lot more in their book and mine, but I think we can all conclude that being nice pays! So now I am hoping that Ralph is nice to me Monday. He usually is, why would he change?