This morning at our Men’s Reading Group meeting one of the men told of how his son was not a good student while in high school and he added he was “wild” when he graduated. With no plans for college or a job, he joined the Navy. After 12 weeks of basic training dad say he went from an egotistical, arrogant, defiant boy to a man.
“What do you think caused this change?” I asked.
“In a word,” he answered. “Discipline!”
Which of us has not heard that story before? Perhaps some of us have even felt it in our own family. But, why do we have to wait for the military to teach our boys to be men? There is no easy answer, or if there is, I sure don’t know it.
I did not know this man 40 years ago when his son graduated from high school, and while we meet 3-4 times every month and I call him a friend, I don’t know much about his life. None-the-less, I would be reluctant to blame him for his son’s behavior then or now.
I told you last year (Does Parenting Even Matter, April 1, 2010) about a Navy recruit whose dad went to prison for murder when the recruit was 5. He lived with his mother until she died when he was 7. After that he lived with his grandma until she died when he was 16. He lived by himself since then. The incredible part is that he graduated with honors from high school, played baseball, and was Field Marshall for the marching band. He was happy, even joyful, and filled with an optimistic attitude. He told me the reason he wanted to join the Navy was because he thought “he needed some discipline”.
Grandma must have been an incredible woman! Or someone in his life modeled the character he had developed. He mentioned an uncle who helped him set up his apartment; maybe he was a good model. Or perhaps his band instructor helped mold this boy into a man we would all be proud of. Whomever it was, I can assure you there was someone.
But kids don’t accept modeling from just everyone they meet. What creates that bond we don’t know, but kids need other adults as well as parents, in their lives, to look up to and follow. Grandparents, aunts,and uncles are obvious choices; so are teachers, coaches, neighbors, and ministers. Make sure your kids know many adults, not as friends, but as mentors, teachers, and guiding stars.