Tom asked this question in an on-line conversation last week, Below is my answer.
Unfortunately, Tom, you have a very common problem, unfortunate, that you have the problem or rather your son has, and unfortunate that it is so common. Fortunately, it is easily prevented.
Let me start by addressing folks with younger kids and discuss ways to prevent problems like this. Prevention, as you all know, beats correction every time.
When you child is 5 and starts school give him an alarm clock and teach him how to use it. Then put getting up in his hands. Remember, kindergartners love school and are excited to get up and get started. If he fails to get up and misses school, yes I said misses school, that’s too bad. He is in no danger of failing because of one absence, and because he misses something he loves he won’t want to miss again. And, he’ll be on the way to learn that he is responsible!
Or, if your child is a bit “brighter” than most, you can give him a clock the summer before he starts school. Let him miss a soccer practice or a swim lesson if he does not get up or fails to set the clock. Not only will you be making your life easier, you will help him establish a good life-long habit, and he will begin to learn responsibility. How can you beat a concept like that? In addition, he will start to have that craved “self-esteem” that all parent want to instill in their kids.
If you get him up even once during this time you will thwart his learning these important things, responsibility and self esteem and start teaching him that Mom, or someone else will bail him out when he fails to do what needs to be done!
Back to Tom’s question: Remember that teens need 9-10 hours of sleep a night and that their biological clocks are set for 25-26 hour days. Consequently, left to themselves, they will go to bed late and sleep late. As people age the clock changes to 22 hours and old folks go to be early and get up early.
Make sure he knows the above and really is ready to change his habits and is not “sleeping in” to avoid school! If school avoidance is the problem, he needs more counseling than parents can give.
If he wants to change then get him an alarm clock and treat him just like the kindergartner above. Make sure he goes to bed at least 9 hours before he has to get up, has no electronic devises in his room, that means NO TV, computer, cell phone, or video games! To assure that he has none, provide a place for him to keep them in the kitchen or family room. He should have no caffeinated drinks – no coffee, colas, or tea, for at least 9 hours before bedtime.
Have him sign a contract with you that he will NOT use the snooze button and will get up when the alarm rings. Don’t back him up! If he fails to get up he will have to bear the consequences! If he misses three days of school then it’s time to re-assess his willingness to change.
If he truly is afraid of missing more school and wants to get up, have him work on changing or re-setting his biological clock. And, don’t wait until school starts in the fall; start now so he is really ready for school when the time comes. There are 2 ways to do that.
If he does not work this summer and time is really not a factor, I would have him stay up 2 hours later each night, have him set his clock for 10 hours so he will get up 2 hours later each morning. For example, have him go to bed tonight at midnight and set the clock for 10 AM. Tomorrow night he should go to bed at 2AM and get up at noon. Make sure he does not nap!In 10-11 days he will be back on schedule. After that have him make sure he goes to bed at the same time, I would recommend 9:00, every night with a 7AM wake up every morning. One day sleeping in will destroy all his previous work; but, in a few weeks he can begin to take a weekly late night and morning sleep in. But more than one per week will mess him up again.
If time is more of a problem, there is another way to re-set his clock. Have him stay up all night and day without naps! It’s best if he can have some kind of physical work to do during this time. Example: he gets up the first morning at his usual time, whatever it is and stays up until the following evening at 9:00. This should be about 30 or 36 hours, and no, that won’t hurt him! I guarantee he will go to sleep. When 7 AM comes he will have had a good nights sleep and by “making HIMSELF” get up will have re-adjusted his clock. And when 9 comes that night he will be tired!
If he is not willing to do this on his own or change his habits, there is no help for him; no clock, biological, physical, or alarm, can force a man to do what he doesn’t want to, and he will have to learn the hard way.
The most important thing to do is realize this is not your problem; it’s his. Give him this post and let him do it! Stay out of it! Parents need to let their kids face the results of their actions and learn from their mistakes! That’s why God gave us tomorrow!