“How can I get my teenagers out of bed in the morning?” Tom asked in an on-line conversation. Below is my answer.
Unfortunately, Tom, you think you have a problem! Actually, you don’t. Your teen has a problem! Unfortunately, that it is a common, which is easy to prevent, but hard to correct.
In the interest of parents with young kids, let me start by discussing how you might have prevented problems like this. Prevention, as you all know, beats correction every time.
When you child is 4 or 5 and starts school give him an alarm clock and teach him how to use it. Then put getting up in his hands. Remember, kindergartners love school and are excited to get up and get started. If they fails to get up, they miss school! Yes, I said miss school, that’s too bad. No one ever flunked out of kindergarten for missing one day; neither will he be in danger of failing. Because he misses something he loves he won’t want to miss again. And, you and he will be on the way to learn that he can be, and is responsible!
Or, you can give him a clock the summer before he starts school. Let him miss a soccer practice or a swim lesson if he doesn’t get up or fails to set the clock. Not only will you be making your life easier, you will help him establish a good life-long habit of being responsibile. How can you beat a concept like that? In addition, he will start to develop that craved “self-esteem” that all parent want to instill in their kids.
If you get him up even once during this time, or rush off to prevent his being late or missing, you will thwart his learning these important lessons and teach him that Mom, Dad, or someone else will bail him out when he fails to do what needs to be done!
Back to Tom’s question: Remember that teens need 9-10 hours of sleep a night and that their biological clocks are set for 25-26 hour days. Consequently, left to themselves, they will go to bed late and sleep late. As people age, the clock changes to 22 hours and old folks go to be early and get up early.
Make sure your teen knows the above and is ready to change his habits and is not “sleeping in” to avoid school! If school avoidance is the problem, he needs more counseling than parents can give or I can give on line.
If he wants to change, get him an alarm clock and treat him just like the kindergartner above. Make sure he goes to bed at least 9 hours before he has to get up, has no electronic devises in his room, that means NO TV, computer, cell phone, or video games! To assure that he has none, provide a place for him and the rest of the family to keep all their electronic devices in the kitchen or family room. He should have no caffeinated drinks – no coffee, colas, or tea, or nicotine for at least 5 hours, and preferably 9 hours, before bedtime.
Have him sign a contract with you that he will NOT use the snooze button and will get up when the alarm rings. Don’t back him up! If he fails to get up he will have to bear the consequences! If he misses three days of school then it’s time to re-assess his willingness to change, and get him some psychological help.
If he is unable to work this plan and is afraid of missing more school, have him work on changing or re-setting his biological clock. Don’t wait until school starts in the fall; start now so he is really ready for school when the time comes. There are 2 ways to do that.
If he does not work this summer and time is really not a factor, I would have him stay up 2 hours later each night, have him set his clock for 10 hours so he will get up 2 hours later each day. For example, have him go to bed tonight at midnight and set the clock for 10 AM. Tomorrow night he should go to bed at 2AM and get up at noon. Make sure he does not nap! On the 11th da, HAZZA!!! He’ll be up at 6 AM and ready for the world.
After that have him make sure he goes to bed at the same time every night, I would recommend 9:00, with a 6 AM wake up every morning. One day sleeping in will destroy all his previous work; but, in a few weeks he can begin to take a weekly late night and morning sleep in. But more than one per week will mess him up again.
If time is more of a problem, there is another way to re-set his clock. Have him stay up all night and day without naps! It’s best if he can have some kind of physical work to do during this time. Example: he gets up the first morning at his usual time, whatever it is and stays up until the following evening at 9:00. This should be about 30 or 36 hours, and no, that won’t hurt him! I guarantee he will go to sleep. When 7 AM comes he will have had a good night’s sleep and by “making HIMSELF” get up will have re-adjusted his clock. And when 9 comes that night he will be tired!
If he is not willing to change his habits and do this on his own, there is no help for him; no clock, biological, physical, or alarm, can force a man to do what he doesn’t want to, and he will have to learn the hard way.
The most important thing to do is realize this is not your problem; it’s his. Why not give him this post and let him do it! Stay out of it! Parents need to let their kids face the results of their actions and learn from their mistakes! That’s why God gave us tomorrow!
Some wise guy said, “If we learn from other people’s mistakes, we gain knowledge; if we learn from our own mistakes, we gain wisdom.”