I think it was Lombardi who said “Problems don’t give us character; problems reveals character.” Having said that, I must share with you a note I received from Nicki in response to my question about why parenting is difficult. I just couldn’t keep it until my next book comes out!
I have a daughter who is 21 years old and a son who is 18 years old. I would have to say that parenting is very difficult at times but not all the time. The most difficult thing I would have to say is the worrying about whether or not we did a good enough job to make them successful, compassionate adults. My kids gave me a wooden sign for Christmas that hangs on the wall of my dining room that says, “worrying ends where faith begins.” This is a very true statement but much easier said than done.
Our worrying began shortly after becoming parents for the first time during our first ultrasound. We were told that Cassie had something abnormal with her right kidney and resulted in many ultrasounds to monitor it. After she was born, we went from the hospital right to Minneapolis Children’s Hospital for testing. We found that the upper pole of her right kidney was not functioning and that she had two ureters – one being attached to that upper pole of her kidney that was not functioning and the other one attached to her vagina which caused constant leaking of urine. She underwent major surgery to make the necessary repairs.
That was just the beginning of our journey we had ahead. We, as parents, had to help our kids cope with relationship problems, cope with a friend’s suicide (teenager), minor car accidents, Cassie’s horse accident and breaking her collar bone in which she still has a plate and 5 screws, Clay’s snowmobile accident leaving him as a paraplegic, and then moving out on their own to find their own independent lives.
The other worry that I have as a parent is that our society teaches kids that it’s okay to do whatever pleases you. If it makes you happy then that’s what you should do – whether it’s drugs, sex, partying, etc. We, as parents, try to instill morals and values in our children and raise them in good Christian homes but the challenges arise from all the outside influences that make it very confusing for our children. We are so thankful that we have not had to go down that road with our kids thus far but I do know parents that have.
I could not imagine trying to parent without Jesus and Mary being a part of our lives and how hard it can be at times and to think about families that don’t have that and how much harder that must be to parent their children.
I met her, her husband, and their son Clay last summer. His sister, whom I have not met, is starting her third or is it fourth year in college. All of them are happy and looking to the future with optimism! What an outstanding family; I am honored to know them! I think her statement: “Clay’s snowmobile accident leaving him a paraplegic,…” tells us why her kids are doing so well.
Just before Clay’s 17th birthday he crushed his spine in the above accident. He started college this fall liberated from disability with his wheel chair. His attitude: “I am the same as I always was, except now I can’t walk. I can do everything else!”
What is it about them that keeps them going forward with great attitudes, and why are so many others unhappy and pessimistic seemingly without cause?
They pray together, play together, and work together. Over the years I am sure they did plenty of crying together, too. With the medical problems they have they had plenty to pray about and cry over. But, it seems that prayer overruled worry and crying. We need more parents like them.
My questions: Do we need more real problems in our life to give us faith, optimism, and character? Are our lives too easy? Do we not know pleasure and happiness because we have not know pain and suffering? Are our lives void of the heat we need to temper ourselves and our kids?
Would some of you please answer these questions for me? And, if you have not sent me your thoughts about what make parenting difficult, PLEASE DO, I value your opinions!