For the next couple of weeks I will be very busy finishing up my new book, What Every Dad and Mom, Tween and Teen, Need to Know about Sex. But, I don’t want to forget my faithful readers so I am going to tell you a story. It will be a series of five segments; one published twice a week. I hope you enjoy the story, as sad as it is. You may recognize it, as it is taken from Messengers in Denim and Tools for Effective Parenting. I know it will touch your hearts. In the meantime, I will be making every effort to finish the “Sex” book. Wish me luck! Thanks.
Some time ago I was invited to talk to the sophomore class at one of the Atlanta area high schools. They were having career day, and I was to represent physicians. I never pass up an opportunity to talk with students or to eat with them because that’s when I learn from them. The invitation included lunch, so I left the office and set out for what was to become, for me, an educational day.
After a too-short lunch with a fun bunch of high schoolers, I proceeded to my assigned classroom and commenced my presentation. I only had an hour, so as soon as the short introductions were finished I started answering the many questions the students posed.
“How many years do you have to go to college to be a doctor?”
“Do you really have to get good grades in high school?”
“How long did it take you to get used to seeing blood?”
“How do you deal with people who die?”
“Aren’t you afraid of catching something?”
“What do you do if patients cry when you tell them something is wrong?”
“Did you ever have a patient try to commit suicide?”
“Do you ever take care of people who have AIDS?’
“What do you do if patients don’t follow your advice?”
And then the zinger from a girl in the back row: “What should a person do if her friend is using drugs or alcohol?”
She obviously had someone in mind. This would have to be handled delicately; the offender could be in the room and my answer could affect a life, maybe many lives. Unfortunately, there was no one for me to turn to for help.
“Let me ask the class what they think would be the best approach.” I began, hoping to get time to think.
The room was dead silent. There was some shifting of feet in the back and a glance from a student on the right, but no hands up yet. Then a boy near the front on the left cleared his throat.
“I guess,” he began, “if he was really a friend of yours, you should help him by, maybe, telling him that was stupid and he should quit.” Then more confidently he added, “That’s what I’d do.”
“That’s just plain dumb,” a blonde behind him criticized. “How much good do you think you can do by telling him to quit? I think you should tell his mother.”
“Narc!” someone from the other side of the room called out. It was starting to get interesting. Then he continued. “All you’ll do if you tell his mom is get him in trouble and get him mad at you. Then his mom will call your mom and they’ll have an argument. So, I say just let him be.”
“Joe!” a feisty red-headed girl jumped in. “What kind of a friend are you? You’re supposed to help your friends when they’re in trouble, not abandon them. I’m glad I’m not your friend.” She flushed in anger. “Besides, you’re not getting him in trouble if you tell his mother. He already got himself in trouble.”
“That’s what I meant,” the first boy interjected. “If you abandon him you can’t help him. But if you’re his friend, then you can help.”
“How can you help?” a third girl chimed in. “We all know of kids who are in treatment centers and even with lots of counselors and doctors and stuff, some of them still can’t be helped.”
This discussion continued for quite a few minutes. Boy, this is good, I thought. But how am I going to resolve it?
The story continues on the next post. Think about what these kids had to say, and if you have kids, ask them what they think they would do in this situation. Then ask them what they thing they should do. When they are finished, but not before, ask your spouse or partner the same questions. Them tell them what you think you would do and what you think is the right thing to do. Then discuss the differences. Good luck! There’s more to come. Be sure to tune in!