Yesterday I met a pleasant, handsome young man of 19 years. During the conversion he told me that a year ago he had been charged with leaving the scene of an accident. “Tell me about it,” I prompted.
He told me how he had taken his girlfriend home and was driving to his parents home. On the way his phone rang and as he reached to grab the phone he drifted off the road and into the ditch. Before he could get back on the road he wiped out a portion of a chain-link fence which surrounded the local airport. He continued on the road home. When he got home he called the police and told them about the accident, and assured them that no one was hurt. They agreed that he would meet a police officer at the site in the morning.
When they met the officer promptly gave him a ticket for leaving the scene. The young man agreed to pay to fix the fence and court costs. “I guess it would have been cheaper just to lie.” he concluded. “But,” he continued, “I just couldn’t do that!”
Now, if he had not been a man of character I suspect he would have lied. What if he had been the son of the person who took out a piece of fence and saw his dad in this similar situation. What if his dad just said, “No one will know we’ll just have this little secret.” Would he have concluded that lying might be the best option? I do not know this young man’s father or even if he has one. But someone, and I’m certain it was his parents, taught him to tell the truth. Doing so, they instilled character! I congratulate them.
I think the judge agreed with this young man and with me that the truth should be rewarded, not punished, because he dropped the charges.
But so many people are teaching kids to lie. My school teacher friends tell me that parents help kids make up excuses (lies) as to why their home work wasn’t done, or why they missed school the day before. Some even send a note with the kid saying he/she was home sick when it truth they went to an amusement park or shopping instead of catching the bus to school.
Another easy way to teach kids to lie, is to ask them if they broke the vase, or spilled the milk, or did something they should not have done, when we know they did. Perhaps we even saw them do it! Asking them to bare their souls could easily be enough to cause them to lie. Wouldn’t it be better to say, “I’m sorry you broke the vase,or spilled the milk. I guess you are too. Let’s get it cleaned up.” That gives the child the option of admitting his mistake without fear of punishment. Or, you could add. “You can pay for it out of your allowance over the next month. Or, would you like me to give you some work to do to pay back the damages.”
Don’t we all want our kids to develop character like this man? Then, we should think twice about everything we say, for our kid’s character is a reflection of ours.