When one of my daughters-in-law reads a book she often reads the first chapter and then goes directly to the end. I hear lots of people do that. But I like to read every word. Probably that’s why I’m such a slow reader. In any event, when each chapter depends on the previous one as in a mystery or biography, I think my way is best, but in a book where each chapter more or less stands on its own, I kind of like the way she does it.
So today, I am going to post the last chapter in Tools for Effective Parenting. It stands on its own even though it is the conclusion, but it gives a good picture of what went before it. It’s also the shortest chapter. I think you’ll like it.
If you really live your beliefs and make them
attractive, you won’t have to ram them down other
people’s throats—they will steal them.
—Dick Gregory
One summer noon when I was a pediatric resident, I was walking down a street in Milwaukee on my way to lunch when the light turned red. Directly in front of me was a young man with a small toddler. As we waited for the light to change, the father squatted to talk to his son. As he did so, the son also squatted. What a picture! Kids do what they see their parents do, and at every age.
It was then that I learned that kids do what we do! Plain and simple! Yes, what we say in important, but what we do is what they will do. This realization scared me! I was a young father with three sons, age 3, 4, and 5. How was I going to be a father to them! Even scarier, I would have parents ask me how to be good parents! What will I say? More importantly, what will I do?
I am sure that you have all asked yourselves these same questions. Good parents continually reappraise their parenting style. I also know that this book makes parenting look easy and while it is not a “walk in the park”, a walk in the park may well be one way of making parenting easier. A walk is just one of the many times and places where you can converse with your offspring. These informal talks are an opportunity to learn what’s going on inside your kids’ heads.
These conversations must begin at a very early age. Many years ago while working in urgent care I saw a 15 year old single mother with her infant. Mom brought baby in because he had fever, vomiting, and diarrhea. After reviewing the course of the illness with Mother, I began to examine her baby. As I felt his tummy, he grimaced and I asked him it that hurt. Mother smiled. Later, during the exam he frowned when I moved his legs, Again, I asked if that hurt; and this time Mother smiled and laughed out loud.
“How is that funny?” I asked, probably letting my lack of sleep show.
“Babies can’t talk.” She answered.
I was quick to explain to her that she was right; babies can’t talk, but babies can hear. And by hearing they learn to listen and by listening they learn to talk. That’s why it’s so important to talk with and read to babies!
I am often amazed that parents seem to ignore stories their kids tell them and wonder later why they don’t talk when they become teenagers. Teens love to talk with each other because peers listen to them and talk with them. Too often teens and younger kids think parents are not interested in what they say or do. By giving them your undivided attention when they talk to you, shows them your love and interest which has a life-long effect on their character. That’s why God gave us parents, isn’t it?
Country music artist Rodney Atkins in his 2007 hit song “Watching You” hits it on the head. In the lyrics, a young boy curses and when the dad asks where he learned the offensive word the boy explains that he’s been watching his dad. Dad, of course, feels awful and when he thinks his son is not watching he bows his head and prays for guidance in being a dad. But, his son was watching. That evening at bed time Son kneels and prays a beautiful prayer. Dad asks where he learned to pray like that. Son answers, “I’ve been watching you.”
So to paraphrase Eric from Tool 10, “Be the adult you want your child to become!”
I hope that you have enjoyed the stories in this book; through them you have been able to peer behind the sometimes closed doors of children’s minds. You will find as you listen to your kids talk, watch them play, and see and hear them interact with others, that they too, have wisdom like that portrayed by the kids discussed here. The operative words though are “listen, hear, watch and see”. When you hear and see them you will know and always remember their stories, and they in turn will remember yours.
There is a Native American proverb that it is well to remember:
Tell me a fact and I’ll learn, tell me a truth and I’ll believe, but tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.
Thanks for reading and have a great week end!
To purchase Tools for Effective Parenting in paperback, or e-book, or Messengers in Denim in paper, go to: http://https://parentingwithdrpar.com//store.