Recently, after dinner at a friend’s house, my wife Mary and I were relaxing at the table with the couple’s sons, while the hosts were in the kitchen preparing dessert. The 12 year-old mumbled something about being tired, yawned, and said he wanted to go to bed early. “I’m not even tired,” his 8 year-old brother commented. “What’s wrong with you?”
“You don’t have raging hormones,” big brother explained.
“What’s that?” little brother asked.
“That’s when you’re growing fast,” the older boy responded ending the conversation.
Big brother was right, increased hormones at his age do cause rapid growth and rapid growth takes energy which causes a need for more sleep. But, when parents and other adults talk about “raging” or “rushing hormones” they are usually concerned more about sexual behavior and aggression than about growing fast or needing more sleep.
Many people consider these hormones an excuse for unacceptable adolescent behavior. I have talked with teachers, counselors, as well as teens and parents, even some doctors, who think the rush of hormones is more than teens can resist. We are, however, human beings blessed, or perhaps cursed, with free will. We can control our actions and our behavior, As long as we know what is the right thing to do and have the desire to do it, our will power will help us do it and keep us from doing the wrong thing!
Although everyone knows innately it’s wrong to steal and kill, kids do not know many of the mores which have developed to make our culture healthy and keep us out of trouble. That’s why we have parents, to teach right from wrong by word and deed! Parents need to enlist the help of schools, teachers, churches, doctors, friends, family and neighbors.
Likewise, we must never use “rushing or raging hormones as an excuse for misbehavior because the truth is, hormones don’t rush! Even if hormones did rush and rage, sex hormones (the ones responsible for rapid growth at puberty as well as sexual drive and aggression) are secreted into the blood in 24-hour cycles and are highest in the wee hours of the morning – just before sunrise – and lowest in the late evening. Yet most unacceptable teen behavior occurs at night. Sure, hormones play an important role in one’s life, but they do not cause people, of any age, to do things against their will.
Too often, we are disappointed with a teen’s aggressive behavior or a teen pregnancy, but we cannot blame these actions on “out of control” hormones. Teen misbehavior more often reflects a teenager who is “out of control” because he does not wish to be in control, or less likely he does not know what’s right and what’s wrong! At times like that he and/or his parents may use hormones as an excuse. Likewise adults use “uncontrollable” hormones as an excuse for an extra-marital affair, fighting, or drinking too much, but this irresponsible behavior was likely learned behavior, which began during early or mid-adolescence and became a habit.
All teens and adults have fluctuating levels of hormones and yet with diligence we learn to be in charge of our actions; that’s a sign of maturity. Don’t make or accept excuses for unacceptable behavior – at any age! This policy along with a positive attitude, involvement in your kids lives, and doing and teaching right from wrong, will go a long way in helping your teen make the right decisions and making your life as a parent easier and less stressful!