Last week Stephen, the father of a two year old son, asked: What do I need to know to be a great parent. I know it is impossible to learn much about being a parent without having kids. That’s why you so often hear “Great lessons” in parenting form childless people. You know the: “If that were my kid I would do ….” kind of advice. It reminds me of what William Osler, the father of modern medicine, said about seeing patients. “To see a patient (To have a child) without reading the books is to sail an uncharted sea, but to read the book without seeing a patient (having a child) is not to go to sea at all.”
With that in mind I sent the following note to Stephen:
You are right, Steven, to try to learn as much as you can about parenting. As a pediatrician for 40 years I have a couple of things that might help you. First of all, be the person you want you son to become, because, like it or not, he will become you! Have dinner, breakfast, or lunch with him at least 5 times a week, starting 2 years ago. Read to him at least 20 minutes 2 times a day. More is better. Put him to bed at the same time every night, don’t let him watch TV more than an hour a day, and NEVER put a TV or computer in his bedroom not even when he’s 15! Don’t worry if he doesn’t like to eat something. Or if he seems not to eat anything. From age 2 he should eat only at meal time. If for some reason a meal is delayed by more than 2 hours, give him a fresh fruit snack. When mealtime comes put the food you and his mom are eating on his plate and say no more. Toddlers and little kids do not eat much, so if he doesn’t eat what’s on his plate don’t comment, nag, beg or in any way pay attention to it. He will eat more at the next meal. If he is not toilet trained you need to get on that. Dads should train boys, not moms. You both have the same plumbing, show him how to use it. He’ll catch on in a day or two.
Tell him what you want him to do or not to do. But tell him only once. Do not count to 3, 100, or 7,000. If he does not act after telling him one time he must face the consequences. Rare is the child who needs spanking. Kids who do, usually have parents who are inadequate.
Tell him often how much he pleases you and how much you love him. Demonstrate that love by being a parent — advisor,teacher, confidant, good role model, but not a friend. Get involved in an organized religion and attend services regularly.
You have just read my short course in parenting for more details see my book, “Messengers in Denim”.
It’s just as simple,but it is longer and covers more. Now that you have the child;read the book!
Jean Tracy loved this answer, you might also be interested in her blog, http://www.parentingskillsblog/