One morning at work I saw two 17 year old boys whose dads had committed suicide. One was 13 when his dad decided he had had enough, the other 17, when his dad left the planet. Later in the day I met a young man of 19 who had attempted to hang himself when he was 16. Fortunately, the anchor holding the rope to the rafter broke away and saved this boy’s life.
I returned home with a heavy-heart only to hear on the evening news that 20 US veterans take their lives every day – most of them between the ages of 24 – 29.
The day got worse; in the evening I read a report in the journal Psychiatry. The investigators studied all the people born in Denmark between 1967 and 1997 – over 1.7 million to see if there were a relationship between parental mental illness and suicide or violent crime in their children. They found that any and all parental mental illnesses increased the risk with a stronger associations in regards to violence stronger for female than for male offspring, but little sex difference in risk was found for offspring suicide attempt. They recommended further study.
In a couple of weeks we will observe National Suicide Prevention Week. September 8-14, so I want to add some thoughts.
My first thought is that if you are depressed or too “nervous” about things to enjoy life, see someone in the mental health field and get help! Remember, you influence your kids in so many ways and studies have shown that treating a depressed parent also treats any of their children who are also depressed. Don’t be afraid to talk with your kids about you feeling depressed and tell them you are getting help. They most likely already know you are depressed, and will be delighted to know you are taking steps to get better. They will also learn that if they are or become depressed they can talk with you about getting help. Nothing beats honest family communication!
My second though is, there is a bit of good news: it can often be prevented by parents or others who know what signs to look for. As caring parents, friends, and professionals, we should be alert to these signs of depression which usually precede suicide:
• Sad, anxious, or empty mood.
• Declining school performance.
• Loss of interest in sports or other social activities.
• Loss of pleasure in things meant to be pleasurable.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Change in appetite or weight loss.
The American Society of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes these additional pre-suicidal behaviors which teens display:
• Complain of being a bad person or feeling rotten inside.
• Give verbal hints with statements such as: “I won’t be a problem for you much longer,” “nothing matters,” “it’s no use,” and “I won’t see you again.”
• Put his or her affairs in order: give away favorite possessions, clean his or her room, throw away important belongings, etc.
• Become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression.
• Have signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts).
If a teen you know shows these signs, get them some professional help while you still can. Don’t wait until they get confused and take their life into their own hands; it may be too late. With help, suicide is often preventable.
You can learn more about suicide prevention by going to www.mentalhealth.org/suicideprevention. It is the Web site for The National Strategy for Suicide Prevention (NSSP) which represents clinicians, researchers, and survivors around the nation, including the Centers for Disease Control and National Institutes of Health.
Sorry for talking about such a tragic problem, but it’s a conversation parents and families need to have now and then. Talking about suicide won’t make your kids more likely to try it, it will have the exact opposite effect. And next week is a perfect opportunity!
Have a good week, and remember beautiful fall days are coming and they are great times to take you family for a visit to a park or other outdoor activity. Leave all cell phones and other talking machines home. Everyone needs a break from them now and then, and current studies show that over use of electronic media is related to an increased risk of suicide.
And, may God continue to bless you and your family!
Hello Dr. Par,
We’re a family of five, all of us have special needs.
• father Vetran with PTDS
• two older sons 14,15 with depression and second generational PTSD
• younger son 10yrs ADHD
•. I have M.S (1990) relapsing and remitting.
We’re wanting to adopt a Havanese pup. For comfort and companionship. However my oldest son and I are allergic to dogs. Would this breed be a lagit hypoallergenic dog?, Chrystal
I’m so sorry your family is having so many difficulties. An Havanese would be an ideal pet. They are delightful companions and easy to train. Our daughter had one and he, like the rest of his kind, was wonderful. But be sure you and your family take him/her to obedience classes. If not, he will become a pest. I stress that all the family must be involved in training, for in truth we train ourselves, not the pup. And yes, Havanese are hypoallergic and shouldn’t cause a problem. Another important thing is to make sure he/she is neutered. Males can be aggressive if not, and females in heat are a major problem. Get a Veterinarian before getting the pup and speak with her/him for a recommendation for an obedience school and see what age it should be neutered. Thanks for your question, let me know how things turn out.
Glad to be back in contact, Dr. Par.
This important article gives the kind of stories, signs, and advice parents need. I will be posting it on my social media sights. Thanks for your help and research.
Thanks for your comment, Jean, I am always honored to have your endorsement.
I am so glad to be back, too. I have started a radio show which takes a ton of time. You can hear some of my shows by going to: Parenting-matters.com, click on the “Audio blog” Tab and select which show you want to hear. I have had a number of local parenting experts and celebrities as my guests. I have learned a lot, and hope my listeners have, too. Now that the show is going a little easier, I will return be writing regular blogs. Thanks for all you do to promote parents and parenting, we both know how important good parenting is to our culture.