Yesterday morning as Belle and I walked past our neighbor’s house I thought about the wonderful people who live there. You will remember me talking about a dinner we had with them a few months ago and how much we enjoyed talking with their teenagers. We still do!
Sunday I harvested the last of my garden and took some green bell peppers over to them. They had been watching the Cowboys and I’m sure they were happy that I rang their door bell during the half-time break. The kids told me about school and how excited they were that their team had a 10 and 0 season. We had a few minutes left to talk about future college plans, then I was out the door and they watched their Cowboys go on to loose. I felt bad for them, but feel even worse for people who do not like teens.
I read once that, “Ordinary kids talk with other kids; brilliant kids talk with adults.” My experience tells me that’s true, but it doesn’t tell me whether some kids talk with adults because they are brilliant, or if some kids are brilliant because they talk with adults. I think it’s probably some of each. It might explain why kids without sibs are often smarter than those who share their parents, but it might also explain why they might not be as well adjusted to life.
We all know that kids who spend hours watching TV and playing video games by themselves often appear dull as compared to their peers who are more involved with adults. We know too, that many kids play with other kids all day long and interact with adults only when being reprimanded, instructed, or coached. And, it was shown years ago that the only constant between kids who have high GPA and those with low GPA is what age adults started to read to them. The cut-off seems to be about 9 months.
I once saw a sick baby with his 14 year old mother. She laughed when I asked the baby if his tummy hurt. “Babies can’t talk.” she explained.
“No,” I answered, “They can’t, but they learn to talk by having adults talk to them.” The problem is that a talking baby is not very interesting, and soon is no longer funny. So he is placed in front of the photon emitting baby sitter (TV) and begins to learn from it and other tots.
Now, I don’t think kids need to have 100% of their time talking, playing, or interacting with adults; the
y need time to be alone to think. They also need some time to learn how to interact with peers (explaining that claim I made above about being better adjusted than single children.) But, every study tells us kids need time with their parents. Driving, walking, playing together, telling and reading stories are so important, but they must be supplemented with dinner or some other meal eaten together without out-side interference such as TV, video games, cell phones, or vocal music.
If you kids don’t like to talk with you, you can’t force them to. But you can set the stage by turning off all the interruptions, putting some good food on the table, and sitting down with them. Then, wait and see what happens. Don’t try to force conversation, just act like you were having dinner with the people next door. I bet you’ll see (hear) a difference in just a couple of days.
Try it, you’ll like it!