How to be a parent books – why character is important!

In my last two posts I talked about how to parent books. Today I want to talk about how to be a parent book. There is a difference!

The key word is CHARACTER! And the goal for a parent is to raise kids to be men and women of character.

Character is important! Yet, few writers are brave enough to delve into such an assignment. Perhaps only a fool will step where wise men fear to tread; I have been called worse names. Look at the statistics quoted in the first post in this series and you will see that what we are doing is taking our kids, and all of us, down the wrong path.

Back to how to be a parent books. I found half a dozen character building, parenting books listed on Amazon. The list starts with, Parenting for Character: Five Experts, Five Practices, edited by David Streight. This short (93 pages) book is a compilation of five essays by five different parenting experts. Written in 2008, it is still germane today. It is packed with enough good information to fill 500 pages which makes it not an easy read. Never-the-less, I liked it and include it on my list of “must read” how to be a parent books.

Senator John McCain has a parenting book, Character Is Destiny: Inspiring Stories Every Young Person Should Know and Every Adult Should Remember. I don’t think many would argue about Senator McCain’s character. This is a compilation of stories which demonstrate character traits. He puts forth a list of character traits and tells stories of men and women, most of them famous, but some ordinary people, who demonstrate that trait. The stories are inspiring and intended for young readers. I like this book because if we are to have parents with character, it must be developed while they are still teens and young adults.

The newest character building parent book on the shelves, and my favorite is, Parenting with a Story: Real-Life Lessons in Character for Parents and Children to Share. Paul Smith is a popular keynote speaker and corporate trainer in leadership and storytelling techniques. Those who have read any of my writing will know why I like Paul’s book. He and I both love stories and use their magic in teaching.

There are a few other character building books listed on Amazon which were published before 2003 and I have not personally reviewed them.

My on-line friend, Jean Tracy, blogs about parenting with a strong voice for character development. Visit her at: http://kidsdiscuss.com. Tracy is a former teacher who became a counselor so she could help kids whose behavior disrupted their learning and that of their peers. She has three delightful e-books dedicated to character building; Character Building; Character Building for Kids; Character Building, Divorce Stories and Strategies to Help Your Child Heal.

Other bloggers come to mind: Tiffany Kane’s, connected to your core, comes readily to mind. She packs more into every post than most bloggers. My favorite of her posts can be found here: Tiffany Kane , Others include Corinne Edwards http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/, This blog Familylife  has some great stuff for dads. Read it or send your husband to it.

I found two other books that are not marketed as how to be a parent books; but, they contain some of the best information I have read about that subject. How to Play Baseball, A Parents Role in their Childs Journey, by Coach Chuck Schumacher, and Refuse to be Ordinary, 10 Championship Traits, Coach Dennis King. The authors are local coaches who tell stories about kids of character whom they coached.

I had not met either of these men until I read reviews of their books and then the books. These books are filled with hints for playing sports, but more importantly they demonstrate how to help your kids develop character. They do it through stories, without preaching, and they do it well. I recommend these two books for every parent who want to raise kids who will change the world for the better.

After reading them I contacted the authors and told them what I thought. They were delighted, as they, too, thought that coaching, like parenting, should teach character, as well as how to play a sport.

It is my hope that these books and Children of Character will be pivots which turn parenting manuals from how to parent books to how to be a parent books. Authors of how to be a parent books address the issue of character.

Those who write how to parent books keep parents interested in the physical aspects of parenting. In the long run, no method of toilet training really makes a difference. It doesn’t matter whether a kid gets fruit before veggies, or if he sleeps with the lights on or off. Neither does how a child dresses, cuts his hair, or ties his shoes have any bearing on his success as an adult. Yet, these are the types of questions addressed in many parenting books and hence, the questions new parents ask of pediatricians. These wonderful, dedicated, busy doctors answer them and go on to see another family with similar questions. Little time is left to discuss what really matters. A good parent prepares his child to leave the nest with the character to change the world for the better.

It’s time authors and parents toss the how to parent books and manuals aside and start writing and reading how to be a parent books.

Let me repeat, many of the how to parent books have the horse (parent) behind the cart (child).  A how to be a parent book helps parents understand that parenting begins and ends with the parent and the parent’s behavior. Studies show, without a doubt, that parents’ behavior influence their children’s behavior much more than anyone else. And a child’s behavior as a teenager usually becomes his/her adult behavior.

The lesson new parents must learn is that developing character, does not begin when their children start school, when they become teens, or when they turn 18. Character development begins when a baby is born. What parents need more than anything, is advice on how to effect the change from self-centered two year olds to mature adults of character.

Coach King, Coach Schumacher, and I will be conducting a parenting conference at the Brentwood High School Theater on March 23, at 7PM. I invite all of my readers who live in Middle Tennessee to attend this free forum.  Character Wins: An Evening Forum on Raising Successful Athletes. We will be talking about raising kids who are successful because they have character, not successful athletes who lie, cheat, murder or rape. Isn’t that the kind of kids all parents long to raise?