One of the guests at the book release party asked how I got the teens to talk, especially about some very sensitive topics. He said people have the impression that teenagers just grunt and roll their eyes.
Of course his perception of teens is common urban legend; and like most other legends it contains a bit of truth. But in this case, perception is not reality. Teens love to talk! There are techniques which you can use to make it easier for them to talk with you. Here’s what I do:
When I enter a room to see a teen I greet him first, shake his hand and hold it until he looks me in the eye, and then greet the parent. This lets him know that he is an important part of the visit. Then I sit next to a male patient, boys and men talk best when sitting shoulder to shoulder. Girls and women are more comfortable sitting face to face. Women have coffee across the table when they talk; men like to sit side by side at the bar or in the golf cart.
With the parent present I explain my policy about privacy and let both know that I cannot, according to the law, tell the parents about things they tell me in confidence unless I feel they are a threat to themselves, their family, or society. And I will make every effort to have the co-operation of the teen in the telling. I also ask them what they think if someone answers a question with “I don’t know” when it is obvious that they do. Kids usually think that answer is not an answer, but just rude. And so do I!
On every visit I give teens a few minutes alone without their parent, so they become comfortable conversing with me. It’s hard to talk with a teen about any subject when a parent is present, we tend to direct the conversation toward the adult, and they often interrupt the teenager to keep the conversation alive.
When I need to ask a sensitive question, like drug use, I ask first what the scene at school is. After a brief discussion, I ask if they have friends who use, then I direct the question to them. After they see that I have not “gone-off” on the school kids or their friends they are comfortable talking with me.
When a teenager or adult, for that matter, likes you and knows they can trust you they will talk your ears off. I often wonder how do you get teens to stop talking?