Another true story about a great teenager from my practice some years ago.
Alec was a state level, long distance runner. He started running is seventh grade, and because he enjoyed it he continued through high school.
I forgot what brought him in to see me that day, but he told me that the next weekend he would be running in the State Meet! He glowed as he added, “I’m favored to win.” His face flushed red at his boast!
“That’s great! I replied. “Your dad must be so proud of you!”
He looked at his feet and mumbled, “He has never seen me run.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Does he live far away?”
“No, he lives in town, but he says he is too busy to come to a meet. Actually I’ve only seen him twice since I started high school.” Then trying to make an excuse for Dad he added, “I was only 5 when he and Mom divorced. He’s not really a part of my life. I wish he could be, though!”
I realized I had opened a can of worms, so I sat down next to him. “I feel sorry for your dad,” I began. “He’s missing out on knowing his own son, and from what I can tell a really great son at that!”
He didn’t reply, I hoped he was thinking about what I had said. I waited a minute and then continued, “I have been a son and a father; being a son is good, but being a dad is the greatest!”
We talked a bit more about being a dad, and I asked him what kind of a dad he thought he would be. “Not one like him!” he answered. “I want to know my kids, and be part of their life”
Then he hung his head again and said, “But, I heard, and read too, that kids become their parents, and so I suppose I can’t really control what kind of a dad I’ll be, if I ever even become a dad.”
“Well, there is some truth in that saying,” I countered, “But you can be the person or dad you want to be. What you read is only true if a person doesn’t really care enough to become the man he wants to be. I guess that means you will become your father if you don’t work at becoming who you want to be! Being a good dad is work. You know how to work, or you wouldn’t be running this weekend. It looks to me that you have the passion needed to be just about any kind of man you want to be!”
After more talk about dads and sons, he thanked me and said, “Keep your fingers crossed, and thanks for your advice, I hope we can talk more about that before I do become a dad.” Then he laughed, and said, “There is no chance I could become a dad any time soon. Girls don’t like geeky runners.”
I thought about Alec the rest of the day; later that week, I talked to his coach who was a friend of mine and Saturday morning found me at the finish line of the long distance course.
You already know that Alec came in first! I shook his hand and congratulated him while he gave me a sweat-drenched hug.
He knew for a moment the feeling of being a son, and I, once again, kne
w what it was to be a dad. Even though I was not his dad, like most encounters between dads and sons, I think I gained the most.
Thanks, Alec, for sharing that morning with me!
If you have a son, or a daughter, be a dad!!!
If you know a boy or girl who does not have a “real” dad, be a dad or a mom! Your personal reward will be as great as theirs, maybe even greater!