Eighteen year old Josh, was one of them. His parents were never married and he never knew his dad. “He just knocked her up and took off,” Josh told me. Later Mom’s new boyfriend moved in, impregnated her and also moved on. “She’s had five kids by four men,” he said. Then he asked, “Does that make her a whore?” I didn’t answer, but asked, “What kind of work does she do? What does her “friend” do?”
“Neither of the have a job.”
“How do you live?” I asked. “Where do you get money for food and clothes?”
“I have a job!” He answered, brushing back his long blond hair and sticking out his chest. “I buy my own stuff and give Mom money for things she needs. But mostly we live on food stamps.” Then he added, “That’s why I’m joining the army. I have to get out of there! I want things better for my kids.”
Jacob, another 18 year old, had a slightly different version of this very common problem. His folks, of course, weren’t married, and before Jacob started school his dad was jailed for drug charges and domestic abuse against his mom. It wasn’t long until Mom was also incarcerated for theft and selling drugs. Jacob went to the first of a series of foster homes. When Mom was released Jacob went back to live with her; Dad never re-appeared. This cycle was repeated a number of times before Jacob started high school. Some time later Mother also disappeared and his 6th or 7th set of foster parents loved him enough to petitioned the state to adopt him. He cried, and so did I, when he told me that was the happiest day of his life. “I’m joining the Air Force to show my parents that they didn’t waste their time adopting me.”
I contend that these boys, like so many others, bore the weight of their parents transgressions. In the Old Testament we might read “they suffered 
But, what if the parents of both of these boy were married, employed and not on drugs when the boys were born? What if they stayed married, employed, off drugs, and out of prison? I know in today’s world, that sounds kind of naïve, but just what might have happened?
A study from Child Trends tells us: “Children born to unmarried mothers are more likely to grow up in a single-parent household, experience instable living arrangements, live in poverty, and have socio-emotional problems. As these children reach adolescence, they are more likely to have low educational attainment, engage in sex at a younger age, and have a birth outside of marriage. As young adults, children born outside of marriage are more likely to be idle (neither in school nor employed), have lower occupational status and income, and have more troubled marriages and more divorces than those born to married parents.”[i] And that study only dealt with married vs. single mothers! These kids too, suffer because of their parent failures.
Teens, like kids of every age, need hands-on parents; parents who establish rules and expectations for their kid’s behavior; parents who monitor what movies, and television shows their kids watch, what CDs they buy, what they access on the Internet, what they text, and their Face book pages. Parents need to know where they kids are at all times. Parents who do these things have teens who are at one quarter the risk of smoking, drinking, and using drugs as teens with hands-off parents. They are also less likely to watch porn, be sexually active, experience teen pregnancy or contract a sexually transmitted disease.
Some months ago I told of a teen who when he “aged out” of foster care lived in his car until he finished high school and could join the Navy. He had had a terrible life yet when I asked him how he got through it he answered, “I’m a committed Christian,” he began and followed with, “Jesus taught me forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness?” I questioned, trying not to be snide or cynical, “Yes, forgiveness. Forgiveness is the foundation of humanity, you know.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I since have discussed it at our men’s religious book club meeting and all the men and Father Joe agreed. “That’s phenomenal.” Father Foe said. “And from an 18 year old boy! All I can say is WOW!”
Kids need to know their Creator and the best place to learn that is in an organized religion. It’s imperative that parents take their kids to religious services and religious education classes. Parents need to go to continuing religious classes, too. There’s lots to learn, and we can’t learn it all from our kids.
It has been shown in study after study that the single most important factor in a child’s behavior is the behavior of the parents. That’s why I tell parents to “Be the person they want their kids to become.” Nothing works better! So, we parents need to make sure our kids don’t need to pay for the sins of their parents.
http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/states/tn.html