Today we finish the chapter about teens and alcohol. Most everything said about alcohol also applies to Marijuana and other drugs. Read this last story and be the parent you children need, and the person you want them to become!
Some parents mistakenly think that kids will eventually drink, so why not provide them a place to drink safely?
I remember Sharon, a girl I saw for her college physical the day after she graduated from high school. When I entered the room she was sitting quietly holding her head in her hands. She was such a pretty girl that it almost distracted me from the reeking smell of alcohol on her breath.
“Don’t talk,” she said as I entered the room. “I had too much to drink last night and my head is killing me. Can I just go home and we can do this some other time?”
“That’s fine with me,” I replied, “But you’ll have to explain to your folks why we have to reschedule.”
“Duh,” she replied, inferring I was some kind of dinosaur. “We had a graduation party. They were there.”
I was a naïve young doctor just starting my practice and couldn’t for the life of me imagine her dad, a professional, allowing an underage daughter to drink to excess at his party. Maybe she’s not telling the whole truth, I thought, so I asked, “So your folks had a party and let you have too much to drink?”
She lifted her head from her hands and looked at me through her beautiful but bloodshot, deep brown eyes. She opened her mouth and stared at me, but did not say anything. I’m sure she couldn’t believe my incredulous attitude. Finally she said, “The purpose of a graduation party is to get drunk and celebrate. I’m going home.”
Fortunately, she did not add “stupid” to the end of the sentence. I followed her to the waiting room where her dad was waiting.
“Dad, I’m sick,” she said. “Let’s go home and do this some other time.” Then she walked out the door.
Dad shrugged his shoulders, smiled, and promised to reschedule. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I suspect he thought there was nothing he could do to prevent his children from drinking, so he would “keep them safe and let them drink at home.” But research suggests otherwise.
Alcohol has a toxic effect on the developing brain, and the brain continues to develop until the early 20’s. The younger kids start to drink the more permanent is the damage. Most of the damage is to the frontal part of the brain. That’s the part which is used to make decision making. That explains why people who start using alcohol at a young age often make poor choices.
Current research on brain development indicates that adolescent’s brains are not developed well enough to make well-reasoned decisions. Now that many adults know this, they tend to use it as an excuse for teens’ misbehavior. Many high schools are starting later because teens have difficulty getting up in the morning. Yet, athletes and other high school achievers are able to be at practice at five AM. Popular dads give their son’s condoms for their 14th or 15th birthday present. I recommend a safer approach: Help them make the right decision.
I have a feeling that’s one of the reasons our Creator gave kids,of all ages, parents was to help them make the right decision until they have proven they have the maturity make right choices. Be sure your kids know what you expect of them and why! They cannot do the right thing if they do not know right from wrong. True love making sure our kids know the rules, rules, which protect us from hurting ourselves, hurting others, or damaging other’s property.
Parents exert significant influence on whether their kids choose to drink, smoke, or use illegal drugs, make poor choices, or follow society’s regulations. The earlier parents talk to kids about their social problems, the more effective they are. The number one reason teens give for not using alcohol, tobacco, or drugs is that they do not want to disappoint their parents.
An interesting study in 2000 from the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that religiosity as defined by being affiliated with a religious denomination and having a personal relationship with the Divine was associated with decreased use of alcohol, tobacco, and drugs.
So if you have children, start talking to them at age 10 or 11, or even younger, about alcohol and drugs. Tell them what you expect their behavior to be and bring up the subject again every chance you get. (Hollywood and its stars will provide you with more than enough opportunities.) You might also consider doing what Coach Larsen did (see Tool Number Seven in Tools for Effective Parenting) and be a positive role model. And be sure you and your family are involved in a religious community.
If you or your kids know some teen or preteen who is using alcohol or drugs, remember Beth and do them a favor, tell their parents, the school, and the police. In time, they will thank you.
For references to the studies above please see Tools pages 135-7 . To purchase a signed copy or an e-copy of any of my books, go to www.parentingwith
I hope you found these short stories interesting and helpful for you as a parent. If you know parents who are searching for ways to help their kids through the sometime turmoil of the teen years, remind them that parenting teens starts when they are born. Send them the link to these past five posts before they need them. Prevention is always the best path!