Recently, after dinner at a friend’s house, my wife Mary and I were relaxing at the table with the couple’s sons, while the hosts were in the kitchen preparing dessert. The 12 year-old mumbled something about being tired, yawned, and said he wanted to go to bed early. “I’m not even tired,” his 8 year-old brother commented. “What’s wrong with you?”
“You don’t have raging hormones,” big brother explained.
“What’s that?” little brother asked.
“That’s when you’re growing fast,” the older boy responded ending the conversation.
But, when parents and other adults talk about “raging” or “rushing hormones” they are usually concerned more about sexual behavior and aggression than about growing fast. Many consider these hormones an excuse for unacceptable adolescent behavior. I have talked with teachers, counselors, as well as teens and parents, even some doctors, who think the rush of hormones is more than teens can resist. The truth is hormones don’t rush! Even if they did, sex hormones (the ones responsible for rapid growth at puberty as well as sexual drive and aggression) are secreted into the blood in 24-hour cycles and are highest in the wee hours of the morning – just before sunrise – and lowest in the late evening. Yet most unacceptable teen behavior occurs at night. Sure, hormones play an important role in one’s life, but they do not cause people, of any age, to do things against their will.
We are too often disappointed about a teen’s aggressive behavior or a teen pregnancy, but we cannot blame these actions on “out of control” hormones. They reflect a teenager who is “out of control” because he does not wish to be in control and often times, like his or her parent, he uses hormones as an excuse. Likewise adults use “uncontrollable” hormones as an excuse for an extra-marital affair, but more often, this irresponsible behavior was learned behavior, which began during early or mid-adolescence and became a habit.
All teens and adults have fluctuating levels of hormones and yet with diligence we learn to be in charge of our actions; that’s a sign of maturity. Don’t make excuses for unacceptable behavior – at any age!